February 8th 2005

(Excerpt from my journal) Shelby Pauline Steed is here.  She weighs 1lb 5 oz and is 12 inches long.  Last night my blood pressures went way high again.  They were 170/105 while I was resting.  Nothing they could do would bring them down.  I was up all night because with the medicine they gave me they had to take my blood pressure every 5 minutes.  About 4:00am they took some labs and the results were that I had HELLP.  It was affecting my liver, kidneys and brain.  At 5:00am I called my mom and told her that they were going to do a C-Section today.  She said "No way! I am coming right now." The Dr's wanted to deliver me ASAP but I obviously wanted Tucker there.  I tried to call Tucker a million times but he was not answering.  I called his mom and she had to go over there and pound on a window to get him to wake up.  He made it just in time.  I was so sick.  I had the worst headache and I felt awful.  They started me on Magnesium.  I tried to be brave and hold it together until they came in to do the epidural.  It all hit me then.  This baby was really coming and there was nothing that I could do about it.  I started crying and told my mom that I was scared.  To be honest I was terrified.  I feel young and unprepared.  They wheeled me back to the operating room and I continued to lose it.  I felt out of my mind and so claustrophobic. It honestly was the worst thing in the world.  I'm glad Tucker and my mom were there to hold my hand. When they pulled her out she let out a tiny cry.  My mom got to pass her through the window to the NICU.  When I got back to my room I was still so sick.  They gave me some medicine to help with the nausea. It helped.  Tucker said to me that we could name her whatever that I wanted.  I chose Shelby.  Jeff and my dad gave her a blessing. The Neonatologist asked if I wanted them to do life saving measures on her.  "Of course!"  On my way over to the maternity floor they said they could wheel my bed right into the NICU.  I saw Shelby for the first time.  She is tinier then I thought.  Her toes are grains of rice.  But she is perfect.  Absolutely perfect.  I didn't get to see Shelby again for almost 24 hours after that.  I had lots of family around but I was on bed rest due to the Magnesium.  Finally they let me get up into a wheelchair and go over to see her.  She had a beautiful pixie face that I immediately fell in love with

 The pictures don't really do it justice.  Look how her body is the length of Tucker's hand and her head only comes about halfway up his wrist.

 Sweet baby with a bruised body from being pulled out too soon.

Shelby's first set of footprints.